Where the Road Leads… A Spiritual Journey of Faith and the Heart Of God
Love Manifested
Come and hear… all you that honor God… and I will declare what He has done for my soul...
Psalm 66:16
It appears to be we all have a unique role in life, when we look at the history of humans as a whole. We seem to be searching for answers on both a conscious or unconscious level as to who we are, and why we live this short existence here... wondering if we each have a destiny and if so... what will our part be? In our conscious search, some of us reach out to God's Spirit ... to our Divine Source for a response... and receive it!
Having done so, for many years I have been urged to tell all who care to listen, aspects of my spiritual journey of faith... revealing through a Divine Presence active in our lives and from within through impartations... the awareness and messages I have received. It is often said the writing down of my memoirs will encourage and clarify many unanswered questions for those who are seeking inner peace and truth about the reality of God ... our Creators mysterious ways ... our spiritual union and potential communication … the spiritual realm and how all of this can affect who we become eternally and in each present moment internally.
Following a series of deep internal impressions I received in 1989, with regard to my life and future world events, confirmed to be prophetic ... I have gone through supernatural occurrences with an inner knowing a divinely ordained eternal plan is indeed unfolding before my eyes. The fulfillments of these impressions continue, putting me in a position to write about them with an ever increasing faith and sense of predestination. Where to begin is my question?
Considering what I have come to discern as God's perfect timing, and the fulfillment of foretold world wide events; in particular Sept 11, 2001 which seemed to begin with another Holy War, in the Name of God... it may be important to start with my own background which lead up to my unique intimate encounters with the creator of heaven, earth, and all, which exists, the One I choose to speak of in this moment, as Almighty God.
Although
attending a church was not a part of my lifestyle, as a child born in
In 1978, when I was 29 years old, my thoughts turned towards God in a way which was more sincere than any other season in my life and I began to ask many detailed questions.... expecting an answer, if this were possible. I spoke to God ... in simple conversations, like a child would speak to their father... a father, whose loving authority was respected.
Life had taught me, there was both good and evil, which motivated me, much I did not understand, and even though I was able to make choices.... I was not always in control, as I wanted to be, or had thought I was supposed to be. I was disappointed in the way my life was going... and whom I had become, within and without. I desired a better life for me and mine... and for those I saw suffering in this world.
Although
we were seeking to live the American dream, our life had not turned out like my
husband and I had imagined it would. We had lost control of our lives... as well
as our hopes and dreams... which ultimately affected the love we shared. It
seemed whatever I did to get our life back in order only made matters worst. It
was not just about the sowing and reaping of our foolish choices, some phases
had been out of our control... like the unexpected conception of our of twins
who died during the birth process at 6 months and the war in
Often, we were weak in character through inexperience, false notions, inherited traits, or simply because we had little will to do otherwise, being born of a dual nature which was stubborn in negative ways, and contrary to our concept of God and His perceived will for our lives. At times, we were blind to the possibility that we were the cause of our own suffering, brought about through the situations we had created through judgments or choices we had made in ignorance, fear, arrogance... or plain rebellion against truth as we were taught it should be lived out. Occasionally, events and others who were a part of our reality affected us in ways which were beyond our ability to control; even when we set goals and took responsibility for our own choices.
Life happens to us. The century, families and cultures we are born into, preconditioning we experience and its contrast to others we read about or meet along the way, affect our choices, depending upon how we interpret life and who had the dominate personality, or the most knowledge at the moment. These contrasts tested the values we were raised to believe, causing us to reap what we sowed as we did, sometimes for the better, sometimes not.... based upon whether we believed a truth or a lie and how easily we learned or how deeply rooted the false concept was imbedded. Yet, it was obvious there was order in the chaos... and I wondered how God fit into all of this.
Due
to these issues and more, I did not feel good about myself or about how life was
turning out. I was surprised at some of my own choices. I knew if there was a
God... and He was not simply an imagined Being based upon superstition or
myth... I was ashamed of my behavior... but apologizing and trying again... and
again... was not enough to bring me comfort and internal peace for long. I
still felt condemned on some level.
Although, I did not necessarily always understand or agree with His methods or His desires, my limited concept of God was... God is good and wise... and according to the writings in the new testament of the Bible... Jesus Christ says God loves us. He says, God is God and life is a gift from Him, and we can live it with a clear conscience before Him if we choose. I was grateful for the opportunity to have lived, no matter how difficult, painful, or disappointing the present might be at times and I prayed to my concept of Him every day. As I did… a desire to have a clear conscience… to be at peace within… with God was drawing me with increasing passion.
I regret having to say, I have taken advantage of God's goodness as I remember knowingly turning my back on Him... temporarily turning a blind eye or deaf ear to His ways, His wisdom... at times. Perhaps I did this, because I wanted to test His truths. When my right mind returned and I repented, I reached out for the promise of forgiveness and a fresh start, according to what I heard about the teachings of Jesus Christ. Having been Baptized in a church one day while searching out spiritual truths, I felt like I had the right to call upon His mercy, this grace. I condemned myself for this continual need to do so, regretting my inability to stop ‘being bad’. Even though at times I gave up on myself… I had a hope deep within, God would not give up on me. But saying I was sorry… trying again, only to fail, disappointing God and myself once again, was a burden I carried, and did not know how release.
Through my very limited understanding of God's Spirit and His ways... and not wanting to spend eternity separated from Almighty God’s goodness in hell as a condemned sinner, one night while soaking in the tub, I reminded Him of a conversation I had had a few days earlier...
Someone had
asked me, "Why do you smoke pot?" I told them, the various reasons...
ending with, "Over the years, I have tried to read the Bible... but because
of an inability to concentrate and my limited comprehension skills in reading, I
have a hard time understanding it. It seems like gobble goop to me... it does
not make sense. However, I have discovered, I look forward to reading it under
the influence of Marijuana, because my mind quiets down enough that I am able to
focus and really listen and think about what I am reading. It is as though the
words are alive... and God is speaking right to me through them."
Their reaction was one of shock... "You don't need pot to understand the Bible... all you need is God's Holy Spirit! He will be your teacher."
I was equally shocked and I told her similar to this, “In my search for spiritual truth, I heard people who have a change of heart towards God will for them and desire His favor, can renounce evil, by repenting of their sins, turning away from them and choosing His ways. Following this, they can be baptized, as a symbolic, some say mystical act of being washed clean of their sins. Some say this baptism is also a way of public renouncing sin, and accepting Jesus as our savior through God in Him having died in our place… taking the consequences of our sin upon Himself, purifying us through HimSelf, HE having foreordained this; thus when we are baptized, we are also acting out our death to sin and burial with Him through immersion. Through all this we are letting go of our desire to sin in exchange for forgiveness and a new start. Coming up from immersion is symbolic of being resurrected with Jesus, through God in Him. I had heard this is all done in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Other than that, the word, Holy Spirit had no meaning to me. Tell me… who is the Holy Spirit?”
With a gentle expression and tone to match, she responded similar to this, "Jesus said, 'After His death and resurrection, Father God would send His Holy Spirit in His name... to live in us and through us, giving us the power to live a new life, through a new nature, God’s Holy nature. His Holy Spirit will help us understand the Bible... it will lead us into all truth... and purify our hearts through His heart, giving us a new heart and a new mind… the mind of Christ. It will teach us and empower us to do good and not evil'. She watched the expression on my face a minute, before adding, "We only need to choose to believe.... Father God will do the rest."
I wondered, amazed at her words... and she took advantage of my silence by asking, “Have you ever heard the expression, to be born again?"
I replied, "Yes, but I do not really understand what that means."
She smiled and leaned forward in her chair saying something like this, "Jesus said... 'We cannot come to truly know God's Spirit, until we are born both of the flesh as well as of His Spirit. Father God sending His Holy Spirit to live in us will birth within, awakens His nature... His Spirit of truth and love and holiness. The Holy Spirit will teach us about spiritual matters, empowering us to discern truth from lies. This Spirit, through our union, will bring scriptures to remembrance once revealed when we need them the most. That is why it is important to read the Bible. He will lead us through circumstances, which God will ordain as we choose to follow. He will enable us to overcome sin in our lives... by convicting us of our sin, and empowering us to be different through God's overcoming power ... nature within. We won’t have to depend upon our own strength anymore, we are powerless without His nature overcoming through us. His nature of love and truth and holiness will come forth as evidence that He lives in us and through us. We will become, patient and kind... generous and hospitable... tolerant and self sacrificing, peaceful and faithful, joyful and good, loving and forgiving, merciful and willfully obedient to Father's desires.'"
Her words held me, because like I’ve said, I felt condemned and powerless, because I seemed to be unable to be consistently good. I hated what I was to learn later, was my dual nature. I felt stupid and bad most of the time. I definitely wanted to live according to Almighty God's will for my life and I did so want to understand the Bible because I had heard, in it were words our heavenly Father had inspired for humanity, so we could come to know Him and His ways. Being a poor reader, due to a overlapping series of childhood illness, which left me in need of healing… her words were bringing me hope.
Although I only barely understood the depth of her words, and she has no memory of having told me all of this... I vividly remember her continuing... as if Almighty God were speaking to me personally through her, "When we ask and Jesus' Holy Spirit comes into us, He will give us spiritual gifts, such as miracles, healings, prophecy, words of knowledge, wisdom and revelation. One of those gifts is the gift of prayer, evidenced by a prayer language, where God prays through us a perfect prayer. One of the purposes of all of this prayer language will be so there can be a manifestation, to the unbeliever of the reality of God ... within."
As she continued speaking of all of the different spiritual gifts which came with the Holy Spirit, my mind wondered back to the early 70's, when I had met a coworker who prayed in a prayer language known as speaking in an unknown tongue. She was one of the most loving and humble people I knew. She was a good friend to my sister's boss... a kind Army Major, who also spoke in tongues.
I had been warned to stay away from them... by people who were of a different Christian denomination than theirs. I was told they were going to hell... because they were deceived by Satan. The proof of their deception was that they spoke in tongues, which made them holy rollers whatever that was. I myself could only imagine.
Those warning me, insisted, speaking in tongues was meant for the early church alone and anything else today was a counterfeit. This did not ring true within my own soul... but who was I to tell them they were wrong, since I had not been raised in a church and had little knowledge of the Bible.
Because of the contrast in the lifestyle and ways of being of these two people and the ones who were speaking against them, I did not make a final judgment. Instead, I placed all of this information on a shelf in the back of my mind.... and decided to wait and see what else I might discover.... in my search for truth about God. For the most part I believed in Him, but for me, that was not enough.
Upon leaving home, at 21 in the early 70's... I began visiting Christian churches seeking the 'right' one... so I could learn about God. The common pattern I found, was... all Christian denominations taught that Jesus died in our place as a sinner... offering His sinless nature for our own. After that, they each had, what seemed to me to be another piece to a huge puzzle... a divine mystery of sorts... that the other did not always have. Each seemed to think their one piece was the perfect piece... causing them to be the only denomination going to heaven. It seemed to be each denomination I visited saw themselves as a part of a remnant left over from the early church.... with a greater revelation from God than the previous generation. Some even went so far as to call themselves the elect of God. They all seemed to be afraid to hear what another denomination might have to offer as well, thinking Satan was deceiving the others... and thus these others must be shunned and avoided. This grieved me deeply.... it too, did not sit right with me deep within.
I gleaned what I could... observed and meditated on much, which was offered, but understood little experientially. What they all had to say seemed to me to be like seeds... which I allowed to be planted, but which took a long time to grow so I could understand... some of these seeds never would take root, and I felt bad about that.... in hindsight I wonder if that was Father's way of protecting me from lies and teaching me His spiritual discernment. It seemed to me, I was a slow learner and inexperienced in the ways of God.... compared to those who went to church... but I found comfort in the knowledge at least I was diligently seeking and trying to do my best. I was sure, if God loved us... HE was considering that.
Eventually, each denomination I visited, warned their congregation against other denominations... they believed were going to hell in their deception... because they did not believe as they did. It was at this point I would stop going to their church. Their backbiting and fear based words did not seem right. After seeing this pattern among some who called themselves Christians, and because I grieved deeply over this... I began to ask God, 'Since Christians are suppose to be one body... with Christ as our head... spiritually speaking, would You help them... us, to love each other and not be so afraid and reveal to us Your whole truth? Didn't Jesus already pray something like this? Well I agree... we need it.'
Eventually I became frustrated and confused by this pattern among some who called themselves Christian, so I stopped visiting churches altogether... and decided to do my best alone with God. Although some church goers said I would not go to heaven if I didn't go to church, I began meeting a lot of people who did not go to church, but called themselves Christian and they said this was not true. I wasn't sure what to believe, doubt made me wonder and seek the mind of God for His truth of the matter. It was during such times as I prayed, I believed God impressed upon my Being... the day would come when I would see the coming together of His Body.... with Jesus Christ as our head, and we would all walk in the same spirit of love and truth as ONE mind... the mind of Christ. I sensed I would see the walls of denominationalism... 'churchianity' as experienced within church buildings, come down and the separations between us would cease to exist as we came together as one family... the family of God, whenever and where ever we met. This is a promise ... revelation ... which is still alive in me. Over the years since I first sought Father God regarding this... I have seen the walls between denominations begin to fall, and the hearts of some Christians softening with love through wisdom from above. They too, no longer see the need for an official 'church building' of multiple denominations ... for the family of God to meet and unite in heart and mind. Instead I find more and more are meeting in spirit and in truth... through co-incidences they are aware Father has brought about.... through the course of events in their every day lives, in places, and moments least expected.
Although I did try to be good, and asked for His forgiveness daily, and prayed that He might meet the needs of others, and tried to help when I could, I only talked to God about serious matters or on an more intimate level occasionally. This bothered me, because I felt as if I was using God ... for emergencies only. I was sure there was more to having a relationship with Him than that. It was then that I would try to read the scriptures... but like I have said, it made little sense to me and I would lay it aside frustrated. It never occurred to me to ask for His help in understanding it.
Even so, I thought about God a lot, and wondered, not only about those, these Christians were condemning to hell... but also about all of the rest of the people in the world, who believed in God, but were not of the Christian faith.... wondering, was one of the ways I prayed. Again, I put the information I was continuing to gather about God, in the back of my mind to be shelved until a later date. I was learning a lot 'about' God... but was not really coming to know Him very intimately on a personal level, and this bothered me.... so I wondered, if this was possible.
On this evening, several years later.... all of these 'wonderings' and these two people, I had been warned against, who spoke in an unknown tongue, were being taken down off the shelf of my mind and being reexamined. I was seeing them in a new and brighter light.
My mind was brought back to the present, when I heard the name of another friend being mentioned... expressing, she had recently begun speaking in this spiritual language as well. This surprised me. It was then, the person speaking to me told me they too prayed in this special language. I was shocked... and very curious... so I asked them, if I could hear it.
I watched as a greater reverence for God washed over her face... after a moment she bowed her head... and humbly prayed, "Father God... as a sign to this unbeliever... I am asking you to pray through me in your special prayer language... and as I do, I ask that you pray your perfect prayer for her through me." Suddenly the most beautiful language I ever heard came flowing forth from her mouth. I sensed the reality of God... I was fascinated. It sounded authentic... and I was satisfied it was genuine. I was convinced in particular, because the person speaking these words was my sister... and I knew she could not, nor would she attempt to fake this prayer language.
I thought about this event for several days. While soaking in the tub one night a few days later, I decided to reach out to God with every fiber of my being. Since I was not sure if smoking pot was a sin or not... I chose not to smoke pot. I began reminding God of all of this information as I said to my limited concept of Him, "If You are real... and I 'think' you are, because of past experiences where you've made yourself evident to me. If what I have heard is true... please, please reveal Yourself to me so I will no longer have doubts of Your existence and so I can come to know You more intimately, if that is possible. God, if the Bible is true... I am sure there is more to what I have heard and come to understand thus far. Doesn't the Bible say somewhere, that on a great day of judgment for all of mankind, Jesus will say to some, 'Why call me Lord, Lord and do not what I say... depart from me you wicked one... for I knew you not...' and 'If our earthly Father wants to give us good gifts... how much more would our Heavenly Father want to do so?' If these words are true, please, may I have your gift of the Holy Spirit? Please empower me with Your Holy Spirit to overcome sin in my life You heard what my sister said, will You teach me.... will You lead me into all truth. Please come into me... Please give me the same Holy Spirit Jesus Christ promised He would send, to His early disciples, after His death, if we can still receive it today?"
I soon realized I was in a mind battle... I was fearful! I was afraid that maybe I was being deceived.... by Satan... who I have heard was God's arch enemy... so I began to plead to God, "I am trusting You not to let me be deceived by Satan, because if Your real, then that means Satan must be real too, right? Please, please protect me from him. I am trusting you with ever fiber of my being. I have tried hard to be good, and have failed over and over... I am so sorry... Is there more to life with You than just saying I am sorry and doing it again? I am giving you complete control of my life. Will you give me the power to overcome sin in my life? I want to become who You created me to become, when you first conceived me in Your mind. Please, please overcome Satan in my life. Please do all I have heard You will do in, through me... all which is in the Bible that you have promised humanity... if it is true..." when I realized I was repeating myself... I stopped.
Of course, I cannot remember exactly what all was said, but all of this is the essence of my heart and my simple understanding at that time. Although these words were coming out of my mouth... they were not yet alive within me, as to the depth of their meaning.... for I had not yet experienced them as a reality in my own life. I spoke them in hopes that, whatever they meant, would come into being, if there really was a heavenly father who was reaching out to man... offering such gifts and communion with Him.
I reminded God, "I was told that one of the immediate evidences that You dwell in me and You are real is that Your power will come through me... You will pray through me... with a language I do not know. It was suggested that I begin by speaking babbling words... words I do not know... like a baby attempting to talk... and You will take over and cause Your language to flow. I am going to try this... but please, please protect me from Satan or from deceiving myself."
I started by saying, 'ga ga goo goo'... when suddenly.... the most beautiful language I had ever heard came forth from my own mouth...I was shocked... I stopped it at will!
Concerned that this was me and not God I reached out to God's Spirit once again, "God... I am afraid that I want Your perceived will to be real so badly, that I have conjured up this language... hysterically in my mind... so I am going to try again. I am trusting You that You will not allow it to happen if it is not from You.... I am trusting You with all of my being."
When I opened my mouth, before I could consider helping Him along with a babble... this language returned.... and it flowed and flowed and flowed and as it did, it was then I entered into what I can only suppose was a out of body vision.
Although my body was still in the tub, I found a part of my consciousness being lifted ever higher. It was as if the real me was enveloped inside of a thick cloud of light, love and truth, so thick, I wondered if it could be cut with a knife. All around me was a bright essence... energy of sorts. I was aware this cloud was the Presence of God, and I was receiving part of His mind. I understood much ... I knew that I knew.... that I knew truth.... that God was real... that He is good... and loving and He desires an intimate spiritual relationship with us. I knew He was revealing Himself ... the Spirit of His Mind ... to me because HE had been drawing me, convicting me of that which caused me to shy away or resist His best for me ... and I had responded... humbling myself... having repented, completely surrendering my rebellious will and dual nature for Him to do as HE willed.
As God's Spirit alive within flooded me... I heard myself continuing to pray in a beautiful language... an ancient tongue ... a tongue unknown to my conscious mind. I understood clearly the heart of its message through internal impressions. God's Spirit revealed much deep within. I knew that when my human body ceased to exist, I had nothing to fear... God has already prepared a wonderful place for me... and my life with Him would continue … that God loves each of us and offers such and the purity of Who He is to all. I knew no matter what, that NOTHING I do will ever destroy that love... nor cause it to be increased.... because it could not be earned.... it simply is. I knew every sin ... I ever committed and ever would commit was forgiven and always would be. Shame and condemnation left as I received the forgiveness and the power to overcome the sin nature I desired .... all desire to willfully sin was gone.... my nature had been transformed.... into a higher way of Being. Sin no longer gave me pleasure. I was very aware God's Spirit had taken control of my life since I had asked.... giving me a new life with Him... through a redeemed .. restored nature. I saw Him as my Dad... my loving Father.... Who deeply cared about my life.... our life, in every way.... Who would always be there for and with me.
Deep within my Spirit, I saw myself spiritually crucified with Jesus at Calvary at the foundations of the world ... in time and eternity, in spirit and in truth and resurrected with Him in my now, my having become a child of God... and an aspect of His Bride... one who returns love with a deep love I had not previously known. I was impressed I was in an eternal moment, we were one. I was given a gift, of knowing God as the lover of our soul, as our creator and an understanding of my unity with Him... with others as an aspect of HIM... and a part of the family of God.... not just when we died, but in our present moments. I was made aware I was within Jesus when Jesus died as a representative figure of humanity in time and eternity.... and I was not alone... there were others who were spiritual beings of faith, who had and would embrace this truth as their own, receiving eternal life now ... manifesting God's Kingdom come on earth and within... one person at a time NOW , from generation to generation ... because they too had heard God's voice within their conscience and answered His call... and this is one of the reasons we humans are created.
I knew, deep within, through a level of identification words alone cannot express, my nature and Jesus' had become one. He had taken my sin nature into Himself and I had taken His Holy Spirit into myself. I would be awakened to this awareness... as His Spirit was resurrected within me through this union I was experiencing now and in the new life, which would follow. I came to understand each day I would die to my old life... my old thinking... my limited concepts... my old lower ways of being... as I was transformed into a new creation, a holy eternal Spiritual being.... of a higher nature, through the process ... as these revelations became a part of me experientially.
When I woke up the next morning with great faith, aware I was indeed an spiritual aspect of a bride being prepared for the return of Jesus' as her bridegroom .... I was even more aware I would never be the same again. I understood that Father God had begun a good work in me and that He would complete it... as His eternal plan unfolded. I began to experience the fact that I had nothing to fear, because He would be in control, even when I doubted it.... I was to continue to ask... to seek to learn to trust in His continual love and guidance as He led me and taught me, as He revealed His ways, Who He is and His Presence with me daily, in ways I could only imagine. I marveled as I watched the faith and love I had been given grow... through God's revelations and transformative power made real through our union.
I know much... which I have grown to understand layer by layer.... through experience.... and observing the inner changes as they come forth. Much, I sometimes forget for a moment.... which is brought to remembrance as I grow spiritually and Father's Spirit transforms my limited natural understanding and distorted thinking replacing it with His own, through the experiences He ordains for my spiritual growth. I had received the mind of Christ. It seemed to me God's DNA ... His life blood flowed through me now. A new passion motivated me.
It was as if I had gone back in time and I had become a new born infant... fully equipped with all I would need to become the person I was created to Be in the mind of God, through this new life I had just been given. I would soon discover His purposes, in my life would unfold before me to reveal deeper truths as they did... reminding me of that which I already knew deep within.... whenever I doubted or was confused.
I can only compare all of this to a bud.... which has the hopes of becoming the rose He would open in due season. I have come to understand, if I try to open the rose, I will only tear the delicate leaves of my life... and it is best to surrender to His manifested will, in each present moment, through faith in Who He is revealing Himself to Be... through His great love.... love having become my own motivation, through our union.
With the understanding of a little child, I knew God is the eternal Spirit of unconditional love and truth.... and His Spirit had brought me to this moment. It was indeed His Spirit revealing Himself and His Son to me as the lover of my soul... and myself as His daughter... and an aspect of the Bride of Christ, an eternal companion. I knew it was up to my heavenly Father to lead me in the ways I should go, to train me as one of His children, born of His Spirit, because I did not have the wisdom otherwise. A sin nature... one which called evil good and good evil... external influences, unhealthy preconditioning, a fear of what others think of me, a fear of rejection, a sense of powerlessness, had distorted my natural thinking and affected my ways of being ... I would have to let go... to receive anew ... it was up to me to simply trust, obey and follow the best I was enabled without condemnation... as I daily chose to love and forgive, as I would be loved and forgiven in return.
I was given the revelation... since an awareness of His Spirit alive within now lived in me as a higher way of Being... it would no longer be my lower nature which ruled.... which dictated right or wrong for me. I came to understand experientially the purity of His Spirit was indeed growing within me ... revealing my corrupted lower nature as dead or willing to die, one moment at a time. He convicted the new me, a holy nature, of the sin nature at war within and the need for death; as I turned to Him in obedient trust... to receive the transformation of who HE had created me to Be as His child.... a sister to Jesus, who was the first born from sin and death ... I was aware I was one with and among the resurrected family of God, through this spiritual birth.
I felt myself being cleansed deep within.... as I continued to be lifted higher and higher... into this cloud of light.... swallowed up in His Presence, God's Essence, and the truth of HIS love for each of us, and our ability to love selflessly through our union. It was as if the words I was praying through this new tongue and the thoughts I was receiving were washing me clean.... renewing the spirit of my mind, yet nothing was registering for long, except the magnitude of love He has for us as our Father. This and the revelation of my daily death to all which would attempt to separate me from God as my father... Jesus as the fulfillment of our promised Messiah, myself as an aspect of Jesus' Spiritual Bride, He being the lover of our soul, God's Holy Spirit of Truth birthed within empowering and leading me into all truth... has remained alive within, bringing forth much healing… for myself and others. I understood my life would never be the same, my desires... my mind... my nature had indeed changed... and thus so had I. My eyes had been opened to the spirit realm. I was given the ability to see through His eyes of eternity.
Suddenly, I was back in the bathtub.... where I had begun my prayer.... I realized I was naked.... I covered my breasts in embarrassment. As I did, I heard an audible voice, it laughed... I heard a clear thought... It said, "I have seen you before.... you have just never seen Me...." He has been speaking to me clearly ever since.... in ever increasing ways.
I was ordained to walk these revelations out... for them to be appropriated in my now, releasing me from head knowledge and the ego ... dual nature at war within. He gave me the understanding as I did... His Spirit, His words, was renewing the Spirit of my mind when I meditated upon them. A change in my ways of being, thinking, through much tribulation... and fiery trials of faith.... would prove to me, that all would and was indeed working out for the good, as He promised.... even when I could not see how or when, with my intellect.... even when my emotions were feeling otherwise. Father God proved HimSelf to Be faithful and true. Jesus' words and promises to us have become my truth and are becoming my reality.
As I have grown spiritually... I have been asked to let go of much to receive more. In the doing, I have discovered many lies I have believed and illusions I have followed through a limited understanding and the false teachings of well meaning people. The tribulation has been used to restore my Soul and to heal and transform, when needed, my wounded Spirit. I have come to realize I have a destiny... that Father has a plan for my life, as well as others... and it is indeed good... and not evil. Through the power of His Spirit within I have faced many fears and over come sins which once hindered my journey of faith. He within me stands with others as they too trust in Who He is.
The faith I was given is a simple faith. I have received great peace in the knowing... I don't have to understand... all I need choose to do is seek, ask, listen... and trust in Who He says He is... and reveals HimSelf to Be with signs and wonders, not only in my life but in the lives of those His Spirit prays for through me, answering according to His ways, timing and manifested will.