Where the Road Leads… A Spiritual Journey of Faith and the Heart of God

 

  Come and hear… all you that honor God… and I will declare what He has done for my soul... Psalm 66:16

 

It appears to be we all have a unique role in life, when we look at the history of humans as a whole. We seem to be searching for answers on both a Conscious or unconscious level as to whom we are, and why we live this short existence here... wondering if we each have a destiny and if so... why and what will our part be? In our Conscious search, some of us reach out to God's Spirit ... to our Creator … the ultimate Source of all that is… for His truth and receive it with a knowing no man can take away!

Having done so, for many years I have been urged both to write down and to tell all who care to listen, aspects of my spiritual journey of faith... revealing, through a Divine Presence ... Spirit active in our lives and from within…. through a spiritual union with the Holy Spirit of God … a fulfillment of a Prophecy/Promise to us through Jesus the Christ... the awareness and messages I have received.  It is said the writing down of my memoirs will bring hope, faith, healing and encouragement. They will bring insight and clarity to many unanswered questions for those who are seeking… inner peace and truth about the reality of God and His love ... to know our Creators heart, mind, wisdom, mysteries and mysterious ways intimately ... our spiritual union and potential … the spiritual realm and how all of this can affect who we become eternally and in each present moment internally and more.

Following a series of deep internal impressions I received in 1989, with regard to my life and future global events, confirmed to be Prophetic ... I have experienced supernatural occurrences with an inner knowing a Divinely ordained Eternal Plan is indeed unfolding before my and my husbands eyes and in our life. The fulfillments of these impressions continue, putting me in a position to write about them with an ever increasing faith and sense of predestination. Where to begin is my question … having heard Father’s call to write and hoping to receive the Holy Spirit’s Anointing in the stepping out.

Considering what I have come to discern as God’s perfect timing, and the fulfillment of some of the inner visions I have received; in particular Sept 11, 2001, the first of many global Dominoes which will fall, ultimately bringing about the greatest Spiritual Renaissance, Spiritual Awakening and Inner Transformation since Pentecost eventually manifesting mature Sons and Daughters of the Most High, who will live in His Kingdom on earth now... as it already is in Heaven… it seems to be important to start with my own background which led up to my unique intimate encounters with the Creator of Heaven, Earth, and all which Exists, the One I choose to speak of in this moment as Almighty God our Heavenly Father.

Although attending a church was not a part of our lifestyle, as a child born in America, in 1949, I came to believe in a Being Who created us, Who Prophetically sent His Son to be our Savior and to reconcile us to HimSelf as our Father and more. As I grew up, I tried to live a life, according to what I believed would please my Maker, His Son and my Parents. Eventually I was convicted; I wanted everyone to be happy and through a false sense of responsibility, become a people pleaser and classic enabler.  This way of thinking and being planted seeds of confusion and imbalance, hindering my Soul's ability to live according to my Conscience rising up from within.

My tender Conscience was partially influenced by being raised with fairly decent morals, firm parental discipline and my very limited understanding of the laws of love, justice and faith and a right standing with God, which were ultimately offered to humanity, through the spiritual teachings and messages shared through Jesus the Christ... and before Him Moses and other Prophets sent according to Father’s intentions and the timing of HIS ever unfolding Eternal Plan. Teachings, some of which I had heard about as I grew up but had not searched out for myself until I left home… and more so, after I was married and began to have a family.

In 1978, when I was 29 years old, my thoughts turned towards God Almighty in a way which was more open and sincere than any other season in my life and I began to ask many detailed questions.... expecting an answer, if this were possible. I spoke to the Spirit of God ... in simple conversations, like a child would speak to their Dad... a Father, whose loving authority was respected and feared

Life had taught me, there was both good and evil, which motivated me, much I did not understand, and even though I was able to make choices.... I was not always the one in control, as I wanted to be, or had thought I was supposed to be. Sometimes I was disappointed in the way my life was going... and in whom I seemed to be becoming, within and without. I desired a better life for us all... especially those who suffer, and asked Almighty God to bless us.

Although we were seeking to live the American dream, our life had not turned out like my husband and I had imagined it would. We had not been able to control our lives... and had lost sight of our hopes and dreams... which ultimately affected the love we shared in a negative way. It seemed whatever I did to get or keep our life in order, to please others only made matters worst. It was not just about the sowing and reaping of our wise or foolish, selfless or selfish choices, some phases had been out of our control... like the unexpected conception of our of twins who died during the birth process at 6 months and the war in Vietnam, which interrupted our future plans.

In retrospect, I can see often, we were weak in Character through inexperience, false notions, inherited traits, or simply because we had little will to do otherwise, being unaware we are born of a dual nature ... spirit and flesh … which led to unrest or peace. Occasionally, conditions and others who were a part of our reality affected us in ways which were beyond our ability to control; even when we set goals and took responsibility for our own choices and set out to do what we believed was right consciously.  Most of the time, we were unconscious of the possibility that we were the cause of our own or another's suffering or blessing, brought about through the situations we each created through judgments or choices we made unconsciously rejecting or embracing a deeper truth our Conscience was seeking to transmit ... in hindsight it seemed like we were as yet, on auto pilot, unaware.

Life happens to us.  The century, families, DNA and cultures we are born into, preconditioning we experience and its contrast to others we read about or meet along the way, affect our choices, depending upon how we interpret life and who had the dominate personality, or the most knowledge or experience at the moment, and the like. These contrasts tested the values we were raised to believe, causing us to reap what we sowed as we did, sometimes for the better, sometimes not.... based upon whether we believed a truth or a lie and how easily we learned or could be manipulated and how deeply rooted the false concept was imbedded. Yet, it was obvious there was order within chaos when things worked out and blessings ensued... and I occasionally thought about how God fit into it all.

Perhaps it is needless to say I, like other’s I have met, did not always feel good about myself or about how life was turning out for me or others. I was surprised at some of my own choices. I knew if there was a God Who wanted to relate with us intimately through goodness... and He was not simply an imagined Being based upon superstition or myth as some have said... I was ashamed of my behavior and attitudes at times when I thought of His being aware of whom and how I am being... but apologizing and trying again... and again... to change myself to no avail was not enough to bring me comfort and internal peace for long. Sometimes I would feel condemned for all of eternity through my thoughts or other’s words, rather than convicted and forgiven with hope of a fresh beginning, as shame attempted to overcome me, pressing me down, challenging me to give up with a smirk… shame sought to convince me there is no hope, I will always be like this, so why repent. I seemed to be powerless to live consistently according to my Conscience and this grieved me, causing me to cry out to my Savior for release.  Would I always just be a sinner saved by grace, with no overcoming power … Am I destined to live in a cycle of condemnation and conviction, with no lasting change in this lifetime, I pondered before Him?

Although, I did not necessarily always understand or agree with His methods or His desires, my finite concept of God’s Spirit was... Our Omni- Heavenly Father is good and wise and just and wants us to be an expression of His Spirit in this lifetime and beyond... and according to the writings in the New Testament of the Bible... Jesus says Father God loves us and has made a merciful Covenant founded on Grace and not law with His Creation. He says, Almighty God is Almighty God and life is a sovereign gift from Him to His children, and we can live it with a clear Conscience and pure heart; with an awareness of His Loving Presence and Gracious Power in our daily life, in this lifetime, if we choose to believe such is possible ... with El; All Mighty God nothing is impossible. 

I was grateful for the opportunity to have lived, no matter how difficult, painful, or disappointing I or the present might be on occasion and I prayed to our Heavenly Father every day. A desire to have a clear conscience… to be at peace within… with God and man was drawing me with increasing passion. My thoughts turned toward Almighty God more and more as each new day passed; as a desire to please Him and abide in HIS love increased as well. I did not want Jesus to have suffered and died for our redemption in vain. I desired for His Kingdom to come on earth as it already was in Heaven, in our lifetime… not just in the afterlife.

Yes, I have knowingly taken advantage of God's goodness... I remember being strong willed, needing to do my own thing without always considering the consequences... temporarily turning a blind eye or deaf ear to His ways, His wisdom and truth... as I ignored my Conscience.  When my Conscience convicted me of the error of my way, I repented with awareness through Jesus Christ as an intermediary; I could reach out for the promise of forgiveness and a fresh start. I believed I had the right to call upon His mercy, this offer of grace without shame. I condemned myself for this continual need to do so, regretting my inability to stop ‘being bad’ and 'giving into temptation' … I felt there was something missing in me or which didn’t need to be there, which kept me in this cycle… I hated to be simply a sinner saved by Grace… I wanted to be an overcomer, so Christ would not have been sent in vain. I wanted evidence His goodness had triumphed over evil.  Even though I gave up on myself… I had a hope deep within, Father would not give up on me as His child.  But saying I was sorry… trying to change my ways of being again in my own strength, only to fail miserably, feeling like I was disappointing God and not just myself once again, was a burden which was becoming to heavy to carry … a burden I did not know how to release. Surely there had to be more than this, my heart continually cried out to My Savior and Heavenly Father. If so… show me … change me! Until alas I gave up.... with a silent plea of Help!

Love Manifested ~ A Living Vision

Through my very imperfect understanding and experience of God's Spirit and His ways and thoughts... and not wanting to spend eternity separated from Almighty God’s goodness in hell as a condemned sinner, one night while soaking in the tub, I reminded Him of a conversation I had a few days earlier... one which led to my introduction to the Holy Spirit.

Someone had said, “I’ve noticed you smoke Pot sometimes, and I was wondering why you would want to do that?"

I told them the various reasons to include because my husband and a few friends do and we enjoy it together... ending with the most important reason, "Over the years, I have tried to read the Bible... but because of an inability to concentrate and my weak comprehension skills in reading, I have a hard time understanding it. The words seem like gobble goop to me... it does not make sense. However, I have discovered, I look forward to reading it under the influence of Marijuana, because my mind quiets down enough that I am able to focus and really listen and think about what I am reading. It is as though the words are alive... and God is speaking directly to me through them."

Their reaction was one of alarm... "You don't need Pot to understand the Bible... all you need is God's Holy Spirit! His Spirit will be your Teacher if you ask."

Surprised and delighted, my heart responded, “I’ve heard when a person is Baptized; this is all done in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Other than that, the word, Holy Spirit has no meaning to me. Tell me… Who is the Holy Spirit? I want to know all you know!”

With a gentle expression and tone to match, she responded comparable to this, "Jesus said, 'After His death and resurrection, Father God would send His Holy Spirit in His name... to live in us and through us, giving us the power to live a new life, through a new nature, God’s Holy nature. His Holy Spirit will help us understand the Bible and God... it will lead us into all truth... and purify our hearts and renew the Spirit of our mind with the power of Gods Word … through giving us a new heart and a new mind… the heart of God and the mind of Christ. It will teach us and cause us to be good and not evil through God’s nature awakened from within'. She watched the expression on my face a minute, before adding, "We only need to choose to believe.... Father God will do the rest."

I was amazed at her words and wondered about them ... perhaps she took advantage of my silence by asking, “Have you ever heard the expression, to be Born Again?"

I replied, "Yes, but I do not really understand what that means."

She smiled and leaned forward in her chair and as she spoke Father imparted the revelation of this, "Jesus said... 'We cannot come to truly know Father God's Spirit and come to recognize the Spirit Realm, until we are born both of the flesh as well as of His Spirit; man is created in His Image… with a soul. Father sent His Son Jesus as a living Testimony of this, offering us restoration and redemption of our soul. Father’s Spirit awakens our soul to His Spirit of truth and love and holiness within... to the Spirit Realm, through the Born Again experience. The Holy Spirit teaches us Spiritual Truths, empowering us to discern His Truth and Spiritually Discern the Bible. This Spirit, through our union, will bring Scriptures to remembrance once revealed, especially when we need them the most. That is why it is important to read and meditate on Scriptures found in the Bible. The Holy Spirit awakening us to the Spirit Realm will lead us through circumstances, which God will ordain as we choose to follow and surrender to His revealed will. He will enable us to overcome sin in our hearts... by convicting us of our sin, and giving us the faith to be different through God's overcoming power ... Spiritual Nature having become our own. We won’t have to depend upon our own natural strength and understanding anymore; we are powerless without His Nature overcoming through us. His Nature of love and truth and holiness will come forth as evidence that He lives in us. We will become humble... patient and kind... generous and hospitable... tolerant and self sacrificing, peaceful and faithful, joyful and good, loving and forgiving, merciful and willfully obedient to Father's desires through our ever increasing union with His Spirit and will as we grow up Spiritually."

Her words held my attention, because like I’ve said, my soul felt condemned and powerless, because I seemed to be unable to be consistently good … my heart did not always want His will. I had been brought to the place where I definitely wanted to live according to Almighty God's will for my life, but I was not always sure what that is..  I wanted to understand the Bible because I had heard, in it were words our Heavenly Father had inspired and given to Humanity through Prophets of old, so we could come to know Him, His hidden Spiritual mysteries and His ways.

Although I only barely understood the depth of her words, and she has no memory of having told me all of this under the anointing... I vividly remember her continuing... as if Almighty God were speaking to me personally through her, "When we ask and Jesus' Holy Spirit, which originated with His Father, births the Spirit of God within; it is part of Father's plan through the gift of His Spirit to present additional spiritual gifts, such as miracles, healings, prophecy, words of knowledge, wisdom and revelation. One of those gifts is the gift of prayer, evidenced by a prayer language, where the Spirit of the Lord intercedes through us with a perfect prayer. One of the purposes of these various gifts and this prayer language will be so there can be a manifestation… a sign, to the unbeliever of the reality of God's Spirit ... among us and within the Family of God .... those called out to be unique among the world."

After she continued speaking of the different spiritual gifts and other blessings which come with the gift of the Holy Spirit, my mind wondered back to the early 70's, when I had met a coworker who prayed in a prayer language known as speaking in an unknown tongue. She was one of the most loving and humble people I knew. Her heart seemed to be pure and her life seemed to be one of excellence. She was a good friend to my sister's Boss... a kind Army Major, who also spoke in tongues and was well respected by those under his Command.

I had been warned to stay away from them... by people who were of a different Christian Denomination than theirs. I was told they were going to hell... because they were deceived by Satan. The proof of their deception was that they spoke in tongues, which made them Holy Rollers whatever that was. I myself could only imagine.

Those warning me, insisted, speaking in tongues was only for the early Believers and such gifts… such power died with the early church. They maintained those who did such in our present were receiving a counterfeit from Satan and must be avoided, no matter how loving and kind they were. This did not ring true within my own soul... but who was I to tell them they were wrong, since I had not been raised in church and had less knowledge of the Bible, I thought.

Because of the contrast in the lifestyle and ways of being of these two people and the ones who were speaking against them, I did not make a final judgment. Instead, I placed all of this information on a shelf in the back of my mind.... and decided to wait and see what else I might discover in my search for truth about God. Believing in HIM and hearing about Him was not enough for me by that stage of my life.

In the early 70's after leaving home at the age of 21... I began visiting Christian Churches seeking the 'right' one... so I could learn about God. It never occurred to ask the Spirit of the Lord to lead me or that His Spirit would speak to me as I opened my soul to Him… even so, there would be times when my heart would be touched and convicted by the messages I heard… rising up with hope and a inner knowing that this is truth!

As I visited each Denomination, the common pattern I found, was... all Christian's Denominations taught that Jesus died in our place as a sinner ... offering His sinless nature for our own was taught by most. After that, they each had, what seemed to me to be another piece to a huge puzzle... a Divine Mystery of sorts... that the other did not always have. Some seemed to think or more often than not were taught, their one piece was the perfect piece needed to make them a good Christian or they had the greatest revelation ... causing them to be the Denomination most sanctioned by HIM. Fellowship with Believers of another persuasion was discouraged … one’s safety was in the Church one belonged to and not in God's Keeping, through Jesus being the author and finisher of our faith, was the underlying message more than a few imparted.

Eventually I became frustrated and confused by this pattern and the divisions among some who called themselves Christian, so I stopped visiting Churches altogether... and decided to do my best alone with God. I found comfort in the knowledge at least I was diligently seeking and trying to do my best along the way. I was sure, since God loves us... HE was considering that.

Even though some Church goers said I was not going to Heaven because I didn't go to Church, I began meeting a lot more people who did not go to Church, but called themselves Christian who said this was not true. They said we are saved by Jesus, not by going to Church … that God is with us all of the time, not just on Sunday’s or in official gatherings and Meeting Houses.  

I wasn't sure what to believe, doubt and confusion made me wonder and seek the mind of God for His truth of the matter. It was during such times as I prayed, I believed God impressed upon my Being... the day would come when I would see the coming together of His Body.... with Jesus Christ as our head, and we would all walk in the same spirit of love and truth as ONE mind... the mind of Christ manifested through mature sons and daughters. I sensed I would see the walls of Denominationalism... come down and the separations between us would cease to exist as we fellowship as one spiritual family... the family of God, whenever and where ever we met. This is a promise ... revelation ... which is still alive in me and seems to be coming to pass. More and more believers are meeting in Spirit and in Truth... through co-incidences they are aware Father has brought about.... through the course of events in their every day lives, in places, and moments least expected.

I did try to be good, and asked for His forgiveness daily, and prayed that He might meet the needs of others, and tried to help when I could, I only talked to God about serious matters of my own or on a more intimate level occasionally. This bothered me, because I felt as if I was using God ... for emergencies only.  It was then that I would try to read the scriptures... but like I have said, it made little sense to me and I would lay it aside frustrated. I was not taught to ask for His help in understanding it … or to ask Him to speak to me through it.

Even so, I thought about God a lot, and wondered, not only about those, these Christians were condemning to Hell... but also about all of the rest of the people in the world, who believed in God, but were not of the Christian faith.... wondering, was one of the ways I prayed. In between I would put the information I was continuing to gather about God, in the back of my mind to be shelved until a later date. I was learning a lot 'about' God... but was not really coming to know Him very intimately on a personal level, and this bothered me.... more and more I wondered, if such was really possible.

On this evening, several years later.... all of these 'wonderings' and these two people, I had been warned against, who spoke in an unknown tongue, were being taken down off the shelf of my mind to be reexamined. I was seeing them in a new and brighter light … a light I believed God was bringing, as an answer to my anguished heart.

My mind was brought back to the present, when I heard the name of another friend being mentioned, she had recently begun speaking in this spiritual prayer language as well. This surprised me. It was then, the person speaking to me told me they too prayed in this special language. I was shocked... and very curious... so I asked them, if I could hear it.

I watched as a fresh reverence for God came over her face... after a moment she bowed her head... and humbly prayed, "Father God... as a sign to this unbeliever... I am asking You in Jesus Name to pray through me in Your special prayer language... and as I do, I ask that You pray Your perfect prayer for her through me." Suddenly the most beautiful language I ever heard came flowing forth from her mouth. I sensed the reality of God... I was fascinated. It sounded authentic... and I was satisfied it was genuine. I was convinced in particular, because the person speaking these words was my sister... and I knew she could not, nor would she attempt to fake this prayer language.

While soaking in the tub one night a few days later, after thinking intensely about her words, I decided to reach out to Almighty God in Jesus' Name with every fiber of my being and a repentant heart. After mentioning things I was not sure were sin or not but which left me with feelings of discomfort, making sure I covered all of the bases, I asked for His forgiveness and asked to be set free of my sin nature.  Since I was not sure if smoking pot was a sin or not... I decided not to smoke pot. I began by reminding Father of all which my sister said and continued with something like this, "If what I have heard is true, if your answering my prayer... please give me the Holy Spirit so I can overcome sin in my life and understand the Bible.  Please, please reveal Yourself to me in such a way I will no longer doubt Your existence and so I can come to know You more intimately, if that is possible. If the Bible is true... I am sure there is more to what I have heard and have come to understand.  Doesn't the Bible say somewhere, that on a great day of judgment for all of mankind, Jesus will say to some, 'Why call me Lord, Lord and do not what I say... depart from me you wicked one... for I knew you not...' and 'If our earthly Father wants to give us good gifts... how much more would our Heavenly Father want to do so?' You heard what my sister said. I want You to teach me.... I want Your will to be mine. I want Your Spirit to lead me into all truth? Please come into me and give me a born again experience. Please give me the same Holy Spirit Jesus Christ promised He would ask You to send to His early disciples and followers after His death, if we can still receive it today? I want to follow You and be a Disciple of Jesus... someone like the Apostles."

I soon realized I was in a mind battle... I was fearful! I was afraid that maybe I was being deceived.... by Satan... who I have heard was God's Arch Enemy and wanted to keep everyone in deception, so we would serve him blindly, rather than come to be who Father wanted me to be... so I began to plead to the Spirit of God, "I am trusting You not to let me be deceived by Satan, because if Your real, then that means Satan must be real too, right? Please, please protect me from him, set me free from his lies with Your truth. I am trusting You with every fiber of my Being. I have tried hard to be good, and have failed over and over... I am so sorry... Is there more to life with You than just saying I am sorry and doing it again? I am giving You complete control of my life in the hopes of finding out. Will you give me the power to overcome sin ... the sin Nature? I want to become who You created me to become, when you first conceived me in Your mind. I want to love you with all my heart and to know You as much as it is possible in this lifetime and beyond. Please, please overcome Satan in my life and set me free from the power of sin. Please do all which is in the Bible that You have promised humanity. I want to please You and not myself..........” when I realized I was repeating myself... I stopped.

Of course, I cannot remember exactly what all was said, but all of this is the essence of my heart and my simple understanding at that time. Although these words were coming out of my mouth... they were not yet alive within me, as to the depth of their meaning.... for I had not yet experienced them as my reality. I spoke these words in hopes that, whatever the fullness of their meaning, they would come into being, if there really was a Heavenly Father who was reaching out to humanity... offering such gifts and an intimate union with Him ... looking back I can see I was coming to Father as a little child with the desire for a pure heart and that is pleasing to Him.

I reminded the Spirit of the Lord, "I was told that one of the immediate evidences that You dwell in me and You are real is that Your power will come through me... You will intercede through me... with a language I do not know. It was suggested that I begin by speaking babbling words... words I do not know... like a baby attempting to talk... and You will take over and cause Your language of prayer to flow. I am going to try this... but please, please protect me from Satan or from deceiving myself."

I started by saying, 'ga ga goo goo'... when suddenly.... the most beautiful language I had ever heard came forth from my own mouth... I was shocked... I stopped it at will!

Concerned that this was me and not God’s Spirit I reached out to the Spirit of the Lord once again, "Jesus… Father... I am afraid that I want Your will to be real so badly, that I have conjured up this language... hysterically in my mind... so I am going to try again. I am trusting You that You will not allow it to happen if it is not from You.... I am trusting You, and in Your will with all of my Being."

Before I could consider helping Him along with another babble... this language returned.... and it flowed and flowed and flowed and as it did, it was then I entered into what I can only suppose was a living vision …. Whether I was in my body or out of it in another place I do not know … when I read similar words of Apostle Paul at a later date in Scripture, describing his own experience in a vision, I was delighted, such a confirmation added to my joy.  

Although my body was still in the tub, I found a part of me ... my Soul, being lifted ever higher into another place. It was as if the real me was enveloped inside of a thick cloud of light, love and truth, so thick, I wondered if it could be cut with a knife. All around me was a bright essence... energy of sorts. I was aware I was in the Presence of God, and I was receiving part of His mind. I understood much ... I knew that I knew.... that I knew truth.... that the Spirit of God and the Spirit Realm is real... that Almighty God is good... and loving and He desires an intimate Spiritual Relationship with us as His family. I knew He was revealing Himself ... the Spirit of His Mind ... to me, that HE had been drawing me, convicting me of that which caused me to shy away or resist His best for me ... and I was responding as He answered and soothed my anguished heart... I was aware I had truly humbled myself... repented…. and was completely surrendering my rebellious will and dual nature to Him to do as HE willed.

As God's Spirit alive within flooded me... I heard myself continuing to pray in a beautiful language... an ancient tongue ... a tongue unknown to my conscious mind. I understood clearly the heart of its message through internal impressions. God's Spirit revealed much deep within as He filled me.  I knew I had nothing to fear... There was already prepared a wonderful place for me... and my life with Him would continue for all of eternity … that God loves each of us and offers such and the purity of Who He is to all.  I knew no matter what, that NOTHING I do will ever destroy that love... nor cause it to be increased.... because it could not be earned.... it simply is and always was. I knew every sin ... I ever committed and ever would commit was forgiven and always would be. Shame and condemnation left as I received total forgiveness and the power to overcome the sin nature I desired ... all desire to willfully sin was gone as I saw my sin nature brought to death through my union with Christ at Calvary ... my nature had been transformed.... into a higher way of Being and this new nature was becoming a part of me now… just as I had died with Christ… through Christ… through the will and the power of God my Spirit was resurrected with His and the result was a born again experience.  In days to come, through my diligent study of Scripture before HIM, this seemed to be what it is means to die in Christ and to be raised in Him and to be Hid in Christ through God… to become a new creation through Christ. “It is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives” … I was dead to sin and alive to God through Christ.  Sin no longer gave me pleasure.  I was very aware God's Spirit had taken control of my life and desires since I had asked.... giving me a new life with Him... through a redeemed ... restored nature. A new nature I would come to know and see as a part of me as I grew spiritually.  I clearly saw Almighty God as my Dad... my loving Father.... Who deeply cared about my life.... our life, in every way ... Who would always be there for and with me.

Deep within my Spirit, it was burned within me that I was spiritually crucified with Jesus at Calvary at the foundations of the world ... in time and eternity, in spirit and in truth and I was resurrected with Him already, my having become a child born of His Spirit … Jesus being the first born.  

I saw myself as one returning love with a deep love I had not previously known. I was impressed I was in an eternal moment; we were of One Spirit through love and truth.  My new understanding of our role as the Body and Bride of Christ brought much joy and peace.  I was given a gift, of knowing the Spirit of God as the Lover of our Soul, as our Creator and an understanding of our unity with Him... with others as an aspect of HIM, being a part of the Spiritual Family of God.... not just when we died, but with an awareness given more fully each day.

I was made aware we all were within Jesus when Jesus died and was resurrected as a representative figure of humanity in time and eternity, (at the foundations of the world) so we could all receive life and it more abundantly ... those who are awakened to this truth become Spiritual Beings of Faith and Truth and are aware they are children of the Living God. Such who embrace this truth as their own, receive eternal life now ... manifesting to those in need of knowing, God's Kingdom is being established on earth and within...  one person at a time right now, from generation to generation ... each having heard God's voice within their Conscience and answered His call, His wooing ... this is one of the reasons we are born again.  As Eternal Spiritual Beings, we are walking out the manifestation of what has already taken place since the foundations of the world and appropriating aspects of it in our lives daily, as we do.

I knew, deep within, through a level of identification words alone cannot express, my nature and Jesus' had become one… answering on one level Jesus’ Prayer in John 17.  I was given the power to think His thoughts, to hear clearly enabling me to learn and grow through the power of the mind of Christ revealing Fathers word and will.  Jesus had taken my sin nature into Himself and I had received His Holy Spirit with the mind of Christ as my ruling thoughts… ultimately translating me out of the Kingdom of Darkness into His Kingdom of Light, I was to discover later through my study of Scripture.  I would be awakened to this awareness...  the reality of His Spirit being resurrected within me through this union I was experiencing now as a new born infant and in the days to come as my Spirit grew…. and my spirit and soul became one through His indwelling Spirit. I came to understand each day my new nature would take off the old releasing me of... my old thinking... my limited concepts... my old lower ways of being and preconditioning which had influenced and tainted me for many years. Thus I was daily transformed as a new creation, a holy eternal Spiritual being.... of a higher nature, through the process ... as these revelations became a part of me experientially, this gave me ever increasing peace and spiritual understanding I needed to walk it out in the years to come.

I felt myself being cleansed deep within.... as I continued to be lifted higher and higher... into this cloud of light.... swallowed up in His Presence, God's Essence, and the truth of HIS love for each of us, and our ability to surrender and love selflessly through our Spiritual union with His Nature... One which transforms our own. It was as if the words I was praying through this new tongue and the thoughts I was receiving were washing me clean....  renewing the Spirit of my mind, yet nothing was registering for long, except the magnitude of love He has for us as our Father. This and the revelation of my daily death to all which would attempt to separate me from His love… His purity… from God our Father ... Jesus as the fulfillment of our promised Messiah, myself as an aspect of Jesus' Spiritual Bride and Body, He being the Lover of our Soul, Father God's Holy Spirit of Truth birthed within sanctioning and leading me into all truth... our intimate Spiritual relationship has remained, bringing forth much healing and inner transformation… for myself and others. I understood my life would never be the same, my desires... my mind... my nature had indeed changed... and thus so had I.  My eyes had been opened to the Spirit Realm, to the Living God of all that is … and through such I was given the power to see and understand through His eyes of eternity.

Suddenly, I was back in the bathtub.... where I had begun my prayer.... I realized I was naked before God.... I covered my breasts in embarrassment. As I did, I heard an audible voice, it laughed... I heard a clear thought... It said, "I have seen you before.... you have just never seen Me...."

He has been speaking to me clearly ever since.... in ever increasing ways. Now when someone says… ‘God told me’ … I listen with ears to hear and a level of spiritual understanding only experience can impart.

When I woke up the next morning with great faith I was even more aware I would never be the same again. I understood that through Father a good work had begun in me and that His Spirit would complete it, working my will whatsoever way He wills it... as His eternal plan unfolds bringing about the goodness intended. As a Spiritual infant I began to experience the fact that I had nothing to fear of my loving Father.  He assured me HE would provide what is needed and be in control, even when I doubted it. I was to continue to ask to seek to learn to obey to trust in His continual love and guidance…. as He led me and taught me… as He raised me in the way I am to go… as He revealed His ways, Who He is and His Presence with me daily, in ways I could not imagine. I marveled as I watched the faith and love and spiritual gifts I had been given grow and mature through His loving care and ever present power to keep me.

I came to understand it is ordained that I walk these revelations out... for them to be appropriated as my reality, releasing my restored Soul from limitations of head knowledge, the unredeemed ego ... dual nature at war within. He gave me the understanding as I did... His Spirit, His words, are renewing the Spirit of my mind. Continual release and change in my ways of being and thinking, would come through much tribulation... and fiery trials of faith....  such would prove to me that all would and was indeed working out for the good, as He ordained.... even when I could not see how or when, with my intellect.... even when my emotions were feeling otherwise. Deep within I was already empowered to abide in His peace and love and the abiding power of His word, even during the gifts of tribulations and shakings of my faith... I can rest in knowing that which remains is of Him and I can rejoice with Him in the falling away of the old.  Father God proved HimSelf to Be faithful and true.  Jesus' words and promises to us have become my truth and are becoming my reality as Father’s eternal plan continues to unfold revealing to me I am living in His Spiritual Kingdom now and all is well with my soul … as I have entered into Gods rest.

I am humbled in the saying, much has been revealed to me which I have grown to understand layer by layer.... through experience and observing the inner changes as they come forth. Much, I sometimes forget... which is brought to remembrance when needed… as I grow and mature spiritually and Father's Spirit sets me from from my limited natural understanding and distorted thinking replacing it with His own, through the words He speaks and experience’s He creates for my spiritual growth. I have received the mind of Christ and seek to have a listening heart as He requested.  It seemed to me God's Spiritual DNA ... His… Jesus’ life blood flows through me now.  A new passion motivates me and keeps me in His abiding love and truth.  

I can only compare all of this to a bud.... which has the hopes of becoming the rose He would open in due season. I have come to understand, if I try to open the rose, I will only tear the delicate leaves of my life... and it is best to surrender ALL to His manifested will, moment to moment, through faith in Who He is revealing Himself to Be and decrees I am… we are to Be as His inheritance.

As I have grown spiritually... I have been asked to let go of much to receive better. In the doing, I have discovered many lies I have believed and illusions I have followed through immaturity, preconditioning, a limited understanding and the false teachings of well meaning people. Such has been revealed to me without condemnation or bitterness. The tribulations I have discovered, are not to be feared… they are truly a gift used to restore our Soul and to heal and transform, when needed, our wounded Spirit.  I have come to realize we have a destiny... that Father has a plan for our life and it is indeed good... and not meant for evil.  He can be trusted. Through the power of the Spirit of His word, my inner man has boldly faced many fears and over come convicted sins which once hindered my journey of faith. I have been released from a sin consciousness which kept me bound… to see sin from Father’s perspective… defeated through Christ and put under my feet through His abiding power and presence … through Jesus the Christ whose resurrected Spirit lives in me/us and desires to live through us as an overcomer... glorifying our Father as He does. We must go through the experience of the cross victorious... to reign with Him on His Glorious Throne of Grace ... the Mind of Christ and the truth of the Word of God having become our daily reality.

The gift of faith I was given is a simple faith.  I have received abiding peace and joy in the knowing ... I don't have to understand... my part is to choose to seek, ask, listen, obey, overcome and stand in faith, receive, love, commune............  trust in Who He is and reveals HimSelf to Be with signs and wonders, not only in my life but in the lives of those the resurrected Spirit of Christ intercedes for according to Fathers sovereign ways, manifested will and the timing of His unfolding eternal Majestic Plan.

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