The reality of the
restoring of my Soul and my healing, Spirit, Soul and Body began for
me through revelation knowledge (a KNOWING), and the gift of faith
imparted through Jesus Christ, confirming Fathers resurrection plan ...
like others who form the body of Christ, my spiritual journey of faith is
a process, which has awakened me to HIS truth, matured and transformed
my inner man, renewing the Spirit of my mind, ever since I heard the voice
of Jesus, Who brought me into Father's Presence.... Father having sent Him
and promised us the overcoming power of His Holy Spirit within, for more
reasons than one.
Through hearing about Jesus and His teachings, the Spirit of the Lord brought me to the place of no longer wanting to simply know 'about' God (the source of all that was, is and is to come)... I wanted to know the reality of God, our Father in Heaven, on an experiential level, if such was true. Believing such was possible and would empower us to become the person we are created to Be as a child of God, one created to be in HIS/Son's image; in 1978 I reached out as a wounded, defeated soul, with all my being to my limited concept of our Creator asking for evidence and His overcoming power, as promised/revealed through Jesus Christ. Through such, I asked to receive the power of HIS Holy Spirit within as promised... I asked to know and love HIM as much as possible in this life and the life which is to come, and to become who HE coneived me to Be, according to HIS eternal plan.
As I prayed, suddenly a language unknown to my conscious mind came forth.... I came to understand this was a gift of prayer ... His Holy Spirit awakened from deep within, was praying a perfect prayer through me to my amazement and wonder. I understand, my natural mind does not need to know what to say on a conscious level, because His Spirit deep within will speak to me/us and through me/us, empowering us as we yield to HIS gift via a living relationship.
An awareness of God's Spirit alive within flooded me with a knowing we cannot fully explain ... it must be experienced intimately to be appreciated in it's fulness. I found myself able to understood clearly through internal impressions... and thus learned to recognize the voice/will of God our Father's Spirit through a living relationship which assures us His Spirit will never leave us or forsake us... He has a plan which is good and not evil... and it will come to pass... as His words will not return to HIM void!
Immediately, I entered into what my mind experienced was an out of body vision. I found a part of my consciousness being lifted ever higher. The real me, (my awakened Spirit which was alive to/through/with God), was enveloped inside of a thick cloud of light, love and truth ... a cloud/Presence so thick, I wondered if it could be cut with a knife. All around was a bright essence... a brilliant energy. I was aware this cloud was the Presence/Power of the Spirit of God Almighty. I understood much... which has become, is becoming my reality experientially more and more. I knew that I knew.... that I knew HIS truth.... that God as our Father... as a Spiritual Being of love is real... is goodness... loves unconditionally and desires an intimate spiritual bond with us as His children. HE alone awakens us to HIS reality, His power within and eternal plan with an inner knowing which increases as we grow/mature in spirit and truth, through an intimate relationship ... an inner knowing no one, nothing can take from us. I knew... NOTHING could separate me from the love/awareness of God... the source of all that was, is and is to come. This awareness has grown exponentially.
I understood Jesus being the author and finisher of our faith, according to the unfolding of Father's eternal plan, was/would renew the Spirit of my mind, through the impartation and power of HIS Holy Spirit having become a part of me, making His words to us alive through my awakened spirit.
Jesus had been drawing me, convicting me of that which caused me to shy away or resist Father's best for me (fear based) and I had responded... humbling myself... having been given a change of heart and a desire for a new life with/through Him. I desired to completely surrender my rebellious will and dual nature for Him to do as HE willed through the union of our minds/wills/purpose.
Father's Spirit/Essence revealed much, I understood as a child awakened to a spiritual reality previously unknown experientially, that when my human body as I knew it ceased to exist, I had nothing to fear.... for my Spirit has a body and is eternal, through His eternal Spirit. I was given an awareness, the Spirit of the Lord has already prepared a wonderful place for me; my life with Him would continue in/through the Kingdom of Heaven, it having begun on earth through HIS will unfolding in my behalf Ö that Father God... the source of all that is, loves each of us and offers such and the purity of Who He is, to ALL... and all will be/was redeemed through HIS son at the foundation of the world, and is being, will be made new according to His Eternal Plan, which was, is and is to come.... is unfolding for us exponentially, from generation to generation.... as we become mature sons and daughters of the most high. Mind you... this was all in the form of strong impressions.... an inner knowing.
I was given an awareness no matter what, that NOTHING I do will ever destroy that love, nor cause it to be increased, It cannot be earned nor destroyed. It simply is and always has been. I knew every transgression I ever committed and ever would commit was forgiven already and always would be. Shame and condemnation left as I received His love/hearts desire as my own. My nature was transformed into a higher way of Being and thinking... as a newborn. Immorality as I once knew it, no longer gave me pleasure. I was experiencing the reality of God as my Dad... Who deeply cared about my life ... our life, in every way; Who would always be there for and with me... Jesus, my brother having been sent to reveal Him and HIS will to me as I grew up spiritually to become who I was created to be in HIS mind, according to HIS plan for me personally. This has proven to be true as I have grown/matured in Spirit and through living through the reality of HIS truth... with an awareness HIS Kingdom begins within and is manifested in our midst.... through our union with HIS Spirit. Yes... there have been battles along the way...
Almost immediately after this, I had a realistic dream. In it I was taking a shower. While doing so, I became aware of a fervent voice becoming louder, repeating, "You need to forgive your grandmother." I woke up thinking, 'Forgive my Grandmother, why do I need to forgive my Grandmother?' I was shocked when I recognized Father was speaking to me through the means of a dream, (which He has continued to do). Instantly I remembered angry words from my past: "When you grow up, you are going to be fat and lazy just like your Grandmother!"
I began to cry aware I had judged my Grandmother harshly through these words and I was becoming like her; and hated us both for it... although I had never voiced it before even to myself.... I was unconscious of this hate hiding deep within.
Up until that moment, I had no idea how powerful words directed at our Soul can be. Words create... they can be a blessing or a curse. I perceived a need to choose to forgive and seek self discipline... the manifestation of one of the fruits of HIS Holy indwelling Spirit, which I could draw upon through our union.. the spiritual awakening I had experienced. I consciously chose to go of all bitterness and self hate and grieved over my sense of loss, (I never really got to know my grandmother due to judgments I unconsciously made), once convicted my beliefs and attitudes were damaging my intimate relationships.... I was receiving a knowing of how they affected how I related to everyone/everything around me, because they influenced how I thought, how I saw myself or others and how I related to life in general.
As I surrendered to a change of attitude, and sought self discipline through the power of the Holy Spirit within, I was given an awareness of my words, spoken and unspoken and their power to create, for good or evil. I understood out of the abundance of our heart the mouth speaks and thus expects in return.
Father told me to pay attention to what I feed my spirit, revealing as we think so we do/receive in return. I was surprised to hear all the negative belief systems... and words which came out of my mouth after that and recognized a lot of them controlled my thinking.... I chose to stand against them with the scriptures HE gave me to stand upon in their place. His Holy Spirit within began teaching me to think upon that which is lovely, of a good report... Phil 4:8. and other scriptures, reminding me I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and gave me a new life/beginning as a new creation in Christ, through our union... my born again experience.... I was coming to know experientially... 'Greater is HE within me than he who is in/of the world'.
My understanding of myself as a whole Being, a new creation in Christ, (One who is both Human and Spiritual having been born of God ... One who is being conformed to the image of Christ through my daily relationship/union with His Spirit and through the renewing of the Spirit of my Mind through the Mind/Spirit/Words of Christ), and my understanding of Father's will/desire to heal me on all levels, (spirit, soul and bodily) continued... through a fiery trial... a trial which would build my faith and cause my relationship with our dear Lord to be transformed... one which began when I began experiencing pain in my side.
The pain was excruciating... like acid burning deep within. I was diagnosed with a tubular pregnancy. The doctor scheduled me for surgery. When I told a woman at church, she suggested I read about all of the ways Jesus healed people in the Bible, as evidence of Father's will for us. 'Of course, I thought Father gave life to this body... He can heal it!'
Studying the Bible was a new experience for me... and I found myself devouring it like one who had been starving and was in need of much nourishment. My faith being increased through readings these incredible testimonies she suggested, moved me to pray, "Father, I have surgery scheduled, and I am afraid. You know all the facts. You made this body, so I am asking You to heal it. I am going to pray and yield to the words of Your Spirit praying through me, with the gift of prayer, while I wait for Your will to be done." Fully expecting to be healed or for something to happen to tell me why not, I waited upon Him as I prayed in the Spirit (with an awareness I had a prayer language which empowered HIM to pray the perfect prayer in my behalf).
As I prayed and tried to quiet my mind so I could listen for His voice... I noticed a quiet voice speaking from deep within repeating, "Go off of the pill."
When it finally registered I responded, "Go off of the pill?"
To my amazement the voice of Fatherís Spirit answered, "I am the Creator of life and death. I desire for you to trust me with your entire life, including birth control... You have no need of it. You know you are not the one in control now, having surrendered your life to me for My eternal purpose and plan. It would be foolish to continue. IF I desire a life to come forth it will, if this is not my plan, it won't. Trust Me.... and obey."
His Spirit reminded me of my previous pregnancies and the ways in which they had been conceived, as well as their outcome. Through the eyes of hindsight, I saw the still born death of our twins and our failure to get pregnant quickly, when we tried again afterwards... I was reminded of our failure to prevent the conception of our daughter through birth control, when we wanted to wait.
I recognized as well, I had always wanted His will to be done, on some level deep within. Surrendering to this awareness, I came to a new level of deep peace, joy and faith within.
When I surrendered to HIS will completely ... instantly the excruciating pain left.
Upon examination, the Doctor found no sign of a pregnancy, and was dumbfounded, so I shyly spoke of my experience. His response surprised and encouraged me, "This has to be a miracle! If I had misdiagnosed you, a tumor or cyst of that size upon bursting would have sent poison throughout your body and you would be dead. I am beginning to have a lot of women come into my office saying they too have been healed after prayer. Who am I to say you are wrong. I myself, have no other explanation." (testimony continued elsewhere)
As my spiritual journey of faith continues so do my healings... and I have been blessed to pray for and observe the healings of others, as they too come into His fullness. Such imparts much spiritual understanding/wisdom and a great faith. Such experiences serve to restore my soul, renew the spirit of my mind, transform my inner self, created through Christ, as I am being prepared and trained for His purposes and HE increases my awareness of our need for a union with the Spirit of God our Father and His Son.... revealing as I observe HIM in action, His many ways and means of bringing His will about, through the power of the Holy Spirit within and in our mist. Have discovered experientially, the fiery trials are a gift in disguise... as the Spirit of the Lord works all out for the good, causing me to daily be conformed into His image and the the Image of His Son. Have met others within His body of believers, who through being awakened to His Spirit/Kingdom within and in our midst, become aware, Our Spirits can become alive to HIM, His Kingdom on earth now... in this lifetime... manifesting to us the light of His of Kingdom within us... a Kingdom which once was as darkness to us.... a place of weeping and gnashing of our teeth and inner torment.... a place where we felt separated from God... our loving Father.
Father... May we each reside in Your Kingdom of love and light... and abide in Christ and His words... according to Your timing and unique eternal plan of love, truth, hope, wisdom and promises for us all. Thank You for Your Faithfulness, Bless You we can ask and receive in the Name of Your Gospel... and the Name of Your Son... Bless You ... may we ever be grateful for all You offer in/through the power of Your Name and Kingdom within.